The incredible power of association – who do you hang around?

If you've read more than a couple books on personal development, growth, "successful habits" etc you'll notice a recurring instruction: hang around people playing at–or above–the level you want to be at and you’ll be dragged upward.

Napoleon Hill called it a "Mastermind" group in his classic Think And Grow Rich.

I read that book for the first time, perhaps 18 months ago, and immediately set a goal of forming or becoming part of a group of people I could be inspired, encouraged and motivated by; learn from and be challenged by; and aspire to become like. I also jettisoned some noxious acquaintances and haven't looked back.

For the last year I have regularly met with groups of people to lift me to new heights, and it’s had an incredible impact. I’m sharing my personal experience with the forum as I’m a lifelong experimenter and this is one of the most successful I’ve ever conducted. Perhaps others have run the same experiment. If so, what was your experience?

Osmosis is a marvellous thing. It’s like magic..

..but there’s no airy-fairy, fluffy nonsense here. The simple fact that as I’ve been in the company of others who are happier, healthier, fitter, kinder, wealthier, better time managers, more ambitious, more proactive, bolder, more tenacious, better organised, more consistent, more driven, better friends, more balanced, wiser–you get the idea–has been like rocket fuel for my own improvement.

Seeing other achieving things that to them are normal, but to me, were extraordinary, has adjusted the baseline of what I see as “normal" and helped me perform at consistently higher and higher levels.

I could carry on for pages and pages, but I’ll cut things off here and leave you with a suggestion:

Give it a try.

You have nothing to lose but a little time.

And plenty to gain.



- Steven

 

Awesome stuff! Definately makes sense

Where and how did you find and join the new friends/ group?
And did you slowly phase out older friendships? Are they still on the scene of just reduced time with them?

 

Just think - you'll be the one sifting others to new heights before you know it!

 

Most of my close friends are just your average Joe/Jill, I also have a few lame ducks on board as well, but I don't care.

how boring would life be if everyone we associated with were wannabe entrepreneurs.

I think it's great to network with successful investors but there is more to life than this and more to learn from people from all walks of life just my opinion

mtr

 

Our closest friends are extremely conservative investors, with a distinct preference for the share market

 

Must admit I don't know anyone in real life who's really interested in wealth creation, investment or personal growth. If I did they'd probably get on my nerves, lol. I guess it's okay to row your own boat. I look for people with values similar to mine, people who are role models, and find them in my local village farming community of all places. Zero help in terms of investing or wealth creation but in terms of personal happiness...they make me smile and inspire me to be proactive in looking out for others.

 

I think it can be mis-interpreted.
I interpreted it in that you associate with people that have a certain skillset/personality that you can learn from, and you take the best from them. For example I know plenty of people I wouldn't look up to as a "whole", but they have certain experience and skills that I can learn from by being in their company. You do have to dissect the opinion from the fact though.

Great post @Steven Ryan I whole-heartedly agree.

 

yes, I agree with you, however if you have 1 loyal, true friend in life that accepts worts and all, give me this any day of the week as this is rare, I can only count 3 on my fingers.

The other, well you need to work hard and sift through the BS, those who talk the talk and walk the walk.

 

To put the shoe on the other foot, what's in it for those who are more successful?

Why would they want to hang around with those who are less successful than them?

Wouldn't that just drag them down? Or do they see it as some sort of charity or social contribution?

 

@Spiderman I find it rewarding giving back to people whom are starting from the beginning with the right attitude. I find it will only bring you "down" if they have the wrong attitude. It's like an apprentice, you teach them because you were one. Some apprentices turn out good because they listen to you and are inspired by you, whereas if you force them to do something they will resent you.

I agree @MTR , I would consider being loyal a useful trait. By associating with people who are loyal it should rub off onto you. As for sifting through the BS, I think if your at the sifting stage you've already wasted too much time.

 

because many started with nothing and many helped achieve their goals, so then they give back, giving back makes people feel good.

fulfilment/happiness is not just about money

Those chasing happiness is simple to achieve give back to your community, share your knowledge, it makes you a better person and it comes back in spades.

MTR

 

Very interesting posts.

I actually spent some time associating with an aspiring and successful couple. I guess they felt sorry for me.

But that sorrow quickly turned to anger when they caught me rummaging through their home office checking out their bank statements and other documents.

I tried to explain that all I wanted to do was vouch their claims of success and wealth. I was met with "get the F@<€ out of here!" lol......

 

is this a joke?

 

Whether I'm right or wrong, I'm taking spiderman's comments to infer that there really aren't superior beings - there is no heirarchy of people. Placing people on pedestals is a lesson we all have to learn - some get it faster than others. The best people I've met are those who've learned to live with difficulties and still be positive and loving towards other people - whoever is in their life at that moment.
However, I think I understand what you're saying SR and I have certainly learnt a lot from my friends - things that I didn't learn in my family. Then there are other friends who taught me a whole heap of life skills I didn't have. Doesn't make them more loyal or more loving than anyone else though.
I've certainly learnt a lot from this forum as a collective and would love to go to some meetups to make stronger connections. ☺

 

Why?

You know how some people make claims to "doing this" and making " so much " out of a deal.

Well I just couldn't resist the temptation to check. The worst part was that they were actually telling the truth! lol.

Sure, I felt like a shmuck and I've never done anything like it again.

 

@datto, how do you know that they didn't run a second set of books which showed their real position (much worse than the one that you found)...

 

Steven this is so true.
I kept getting told "don't compare yourself to others, and to just run your own race". The problem was I was running in slow motion. I didn't know anyone that invested.

Meeting others who were excited and motivated and actually doing what I had only dreamt about gave me the motivation to start investing. Meeting with groups and going to seminars kept me motivated. Who you hang around with definitely changes the way you think and react to life. I knew this when we bought our first house. It was a stepping stone for us and not in a wonderful area to raise kids. that's why the plan was to be out before the kids started school.
I think we need to be challenged. I don't think I had that for a long time.

Of course I still have friends that don't even want to discuss what I'm doing but that's OK. We talk about holidays.

 

Unlikely. The bank statements and solicitor's letters I perused did appear genuine.

I wonder if anyone else has ever snooped to check up on something? lol, come on, own up.....ever checked a loved ones mobile?

 

This is a great question, I also agree there are no degrees of superiority and no one is better than anyone else. But financially successful people like to hang out with other financially successful people because it's a better use of their time than small talk with those who are not there yet and may not ever want to be.

So why would a financially successful person want to hang out with someone who has a different reality on finances? The short answer is they don't! Unless there is a trade off for their time, that trade off could be emotional - a good friend? Exchange of knowledge, the non financially successful person may be skilled in another area they may be interested in, or money, the non successful person is paying the successful one to mentor them.

So the most important thing you could ask is not why should someone hang out with me and what exactly can I contribute that would be a benefit to them?

 

Thanks for all the answers. It certainly matches other stuff I've read.

When you read a lot of the writings of those who have apparently succeeded there does appear to be a tendency amongst a high-profile subset of them to 'pass it on'. And to shout from the rooftops that they are doing so.

Just like we saw in the Bond/Holmes a Court/Skase/Povey years this behaviour is regarded as somewhat gauche by 'old money' who regard their wealth as natural rather than a recently-gained novelty and have well passed their 'striving' or 'having to prove' stage.

This inclusion of elements from the 'self-help' motivation industry and evangelical religions encompasses many (if not all) of those in the 'property spruiker' thread. The line typically goes 'I devised a strategy so I could make millions and retire by 30, but guess what, through the goodness of my heart I'm going to share my 'secrets' with you'.

They may also invoke ideas of higher human development (eg moving from independence to interdependence, 'putting something back' or 'helping others achieve their goals') to justify why they're doing this. Or even 'salvation' if they're religiously-inclined - with concepts of the afterlife (reified as 'leaving a legacy') appealing to their ego.

If the spruiker is of the type who engages in one-sided or exploitative deals preying on the less well-advised (despite window-dressing claims of 'win-win') they may use self-talk to delude themselves sufficiently to sleep at night.

Hence one could argue that 'helping others achieve their goal' (or setting up a charity) is a psychological prop for them to achieve self-actualisation. According to Maslow's hierarchy the craving for this amongst those who have 'made it' (especially if they harbour some remaining insecurities) is is every bit as real as the desire for food by the starving street-urchin.